


please show me how to breathe deep

by justsleepwalkin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Can be read as gen, Coda, Episode s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Spoilers, Spoilers for Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:42:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27537772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justsleepwalkin/pseuds/justsleepwalkin
Summary: “Not who you think I am,” Adam whispers, stopping a foot away from Chuck and looking down at him.
Relationships: Adam Milligan & God (Supernatural), Michael/Adam Milligan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 143





	please show me how to breathe deep

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I can't stop.
> 
> Also I do what I want.
> 
> POV got kinda garbled. And might be a little disjointed. I got like more than halfway through and I started to lose steam and was like "meh" but figured I should add more content for this travesty of an episode sooooo. Whatever something's better than nothing.
> 
> (Hey thanks Sleeping at Last for just coming out with a song for me to use as a title.)

> Once in a while  
> I see myself  
> No longer enchanted  
> By the future or the past  
> I break the spell   
> [♫ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbtxBfmm3ns) Breathe Deep by Sleeping at Last

-

Chuck scrambles away the moment he sees and recognizes the figure coming for him. “You—you're dead!” 

“Not who you think I am,” Adam whispers, stopping a foot away from Chuck and looking down at him. “But I would really, _really_ like to know what you did to Michael.”

“Why do you think I have anything to do with him? Lucifer was around, you know.”

“I know,” Adam agrees. “I heard it all from Sam and Dean.”

“Then why are you asking me anything?”

“Because I want to _know_ ,” Adam answers, voice deadly. He crouches down, arms laid out over his legs, hands dangling loosely. “ _What_ you _did_ from your own mouth.” 

“I can't say I really know you, Adam. Not enough familiarity in this conversation. I mean I-I know you in theory, I wrote you... you know that little sidenote. Addition. Fix a problem I wrote myself into but, _ahh_!” Chuck tries to get away as Adam teeters forward, knees hitting dirt, hands slamming to Chuck's shoulders. “Every story's got to have those kind of characters you can't be mad at me for that being your existence.” 

“Was that who Michael was to you?” Adam demands, furious. “Just someone you needed to fill a role?!”

“I—no, it's not like that!” Chuck says, quick, breathing hard. “It's... he was... It's complicated, okay!”

“He was your son and he was loyal to you and just wanted your love and you _killed him_!” Adam yells. 

“See,” Chuck squeaks quietly, “you know what happened.” His finds a sudden, dangerous confidence and he smirks, his voice sharp, “Did the Winchesters tell you he tried to sell them out? He betrayed them, passed information on to _me_.”

Adam jerks away, getting to his feet, looking down at Chuck in disgust, and then paces away, taking in their surroundings. Sam told him he might be able to find Chuck here, that he probably wouldn't have gotten far where they left him. Someone that's not accustomed to walking, used to getting what he wants, broken in a way that he's broken everyone around him.

Adam thinks he can feel the burn still in the air from Michael's grace, taste it on his tongue, and he isn't going to cry in front of the once-God, channeling his pain into anger. 

“Don't act like you know any of your son's reasoning,” Adam says coolly. He'd like to think Michael had a reason for going back to God, but he knows the conflict that has been chasing Michael ever since they were released from Cage, and maybe he just wanted that feel of acceptance again. Adam would like to fault him for that, but he knows he wouldn't.

He wishes he could just ask him, but he can't. That's the whole problem. That's why he's here. 

“I know you can't bring him back,” Adam whispers, fists clenched. No one can bring Michael back. If Jack hasn't brought back Castiel, he certainly isn't going to bring Michael back—especially if they believed Michael betrayed them. “I just want to know why.”

“You and everyone else,” Chuck snaps. “Everything is always 'why' this and 'why' that. Gets really annoying, you know? New kid's got his work cut out for him. Wonder how long it's going to be before he loses his mind. Wanna take a bet?”

Adam turns, spine straight, eyes cold, and Chuck goes silent.

… For only a few moments. Then, “Man. You learned some mannerisms from Michael. Real freaky.” A breath. “I can't give you what you want.”

“Can't or won't?”

“I mean,” Chuck shrugs. “What're you gonna do? Kill me? I'd take it. Not the ideal, but, you know, second best.” The moment the words leave Chuck's mouth he instantly snaps it closed, scuttling off the ground and getting to his feet and holding his arms out in defense. “I-I didn't mean that,” he says. “That was... slip of the tongue.” 

Adam just glares at him. 

“I don't owe you anything,” Chuck finishes. 

“You owe Michael, but he's not here, so you _should_ owe me.”

“I don't owe Michael.” 

Adam feels the same righteous fury that Michael did when he learned about his Father and all the other worlds he created. 

“You were a _small_ man even before you lost your powers,” Adam tells him. 

Chuck stares around them. There's tiny specks of crystal gathering on the air. Adam walks towards him again and as he does those crystals move, shift, follow after him as though drawn. 

“Did it make you feel stronger? Subjugating everyone including your children? Manipulating them? You think even Lucifer followed you because he _wanted_ to?”

“Him and Michael were the same, for once,” Chuck reasons, gaze still everywhere but Adam. “They wanted my Light, after it's been _so_ long. They'd do anything for it, same as everyone else.” 

“Lucifer followed you out of fear and survival,” Adam says. “That's all he ever was.”

“What do you know?” Chuck bites out. “He didn't possess you.”

“He was in the Cage with us,” Adam argues. “I may not know him like I know Michael, but you can tell a lot in the way someone tortures you. Even if he went with your plan he still would have betrayed you, eventually.” 

Chuck holds back a retort, taking another step backwards, gaze turning fearful. There's hundreds of crystals on the air now. Chuck can't see the sun. “Okay. Okay? You're right. You're _so_ right,” he tells Adam. “Let's just... take a step back. Start over. I'll even tell you what you want to know. We can talk. Just talk.”

Adam's steps hesitate. “What's your game?” 

“N-No game,” Chuck says. He spreads his hands. 

The crystals magnetize behind Adam, a radiance towering over him like a menacing shadow. 

“I see your reasons,” Chuck adds. 

“You'll tell me, then?” Adam whispers. His shadow doesn't react further from Adam's quiet voice. 

Chuck swallows. “I... yes. But I'm just saying you're not going to like the answer? I'm just... putting it out there. We could... talk about other things. Anything else. Something nice and calm.”

“Tell me,” Adam commands. 

Chuck shrinks in on himself. “There was a greater chance of him betraying me than Lucifer,” he says. “Because of you. It was just strategy, kid. That's all.”

“'That's all,'” Adam repeats. “Is that supposed to be better?”

“I told you what to expect,” Chuck says, quiet, like maybe he won't disturb the air. “I'm not human. You can't expect me to have humanity.” 

“You're the equivalent of human now,” Adam shoots back.

Chuck flinches, and mumbles, “Don't remind me.” 

“Why? Because it hurts? Because it's _difficult_?” Adam moves again and the entire crystalline shadow bends, wrapping forward, radiant tendrils reaching out and weaving around his arms and Chuck sees the moment that Adam finally takes _notice_ , alarm in his eyes. “What—what the hell? Is this you?!” 

“Nope,” Chuck murmurs, shoulders slumped. There's no avoiding it now. He looks down at the ground. “I think it's... um... what's left of Michael. Maybe more, I don't know, I can't tell anymore.”

Adam stops struggling, observing the radiance, noticing the tiny individual shards. 

He looks back up at Chuck and his eyes are alight with grace. “You _shattered_ him?” Adam shouts. 

Chuck shrugs helplessly. “I'm not going to defend myself. There's hardly anything I can say.”

“So tell me how to fix this.” 

“I don't know! Are you hearing voices? There's clearly grace in all... _that_. If he's still... _something_ he'd have to get your permission to be let... back in. But it might just be... remnant grace. That knows you.” 

Adam reaches up a hand as the grace moves, crawling up to his wrist, to his palm, and then lacing with Adam's own hand. 

“Oh,” he whispers. 

Chuck watches as all at once the grace claps out of existence and Adam looks over with that familiar, spine-chilling defiance that felt normal on Lucifer but very, very wrong on Michael.

“H-Hi,” Chuck laughs nervously. “So! That's. Good. Back together again...”

“You weren't going to tell him,” Michael snarls. “You were going to do everything in your power to keep my presence unknown to him.” 

“Survival instincts,” Chuck says, “I guess Lucifer had to get it from someone.” 

“I should kill you. I _want_ to kill you. But that's exactly what _you_ want. To be killed, free of consequences. For once I agree with the Winchesters.” He steps up to Chuck. “Maybe you should leave this place. There's no one else to come that you could egg on to kill you.”

“I'm... sure there's a couple.”

Chuck recoils when Michael cuffs a hand to his shoulder. “If I ever see you again,” Michael warns, “if you _ever_ harm Adam again... I'll put you right back in your story, and you're not going to like how that goes.” 

Chuck is left alone on the beach, looking around him as though expecting another one of his sons to jump out from the shadows. 

Very, very slowly, he starts to back away from the water, and finally takes his leave.

* * *

“He was right. I did betray the Winchesters,” Michael whispers, wrapping his arms around their legs where they're sequestered up on the nearby mountain. 

_“Why?”_ Adam asks without judgment, sitting at his side, wishing he could convince Michael to loosen up. He can feel the tense knots through Michael's shoulder blades, his wings. 

“I thought I could get you back and figure out the rest after. It didn't have to be elegant. I thought I could trick him, but... he expected it. Trickery was Gabriel and Lucifer's strong point, not mine. Certainly not Raphael's.” 

_“It didn't work out so well for Lucifer, either,”_ Adam says. 

“It could have, maybe. I...” Michael turns his hand and looks down at it, remembering such the old, ancient feel of an archangel blade. “I killed him before it would matter.” He looks to Adam. He feels like he's falling. He wonders if he should be _Fallen_. Wonders why his Father didn't twist his being before destroying him. “I killed him,” he repeats, lost. 

_“Sounds like he didn't leave you a choice.”_

“He never does,” Michael says. “He was scared, like the rest of us. If I had just... talked to him, convinced him to work with me I... maybe things could have happened differently. Maybe Jack still could have brought everyone back and Lucifer and I wouldn't have had to... to sell ourselves to our Father.” He drops his hand and buries his head. “Lucifer's always the one that wants to talk and I never want to listen,” he muffles. 

_“He always wants to manipulate,”_ Adam argues. _“I don't think you could have convinced him of anything.”_ Adam reaches out and wraps their arms together and laces their hands just as flesh and grace had been earlier. _“It's okay.”_

“It's not,” Michael says, but he holds tightly to Adam's hand. “What do we even do now?”

_“I don't know. Will Jack leave you alone?”_

“I imagine so. I don't sense his presence anymore. I think he's on non-interference, even when it comes to me. I don't know the state of Heaven and Hell, I don't know if my Father affected them. I don't... _want_ to know. It's not my place.” 

_“Still got an excellent guide,”_ Adam says cheerily. 

Michael turns his head to look at him and mirrors the smile. “Yes, I do. I've kept you hidden for some time now. Is there anywhere you wish to go?” 

_“Doesn't matter,”_ Adam says. _“Anywhere with fresh air. And people, but no one I know. Just... nothing overwhelming.”_ His joy matches the brightness of Michael's grace, redoubled and beautiful. _“You know me. I trust you.”_

Michael stands, pulling Adam up with their interlocked hands. Adam notes that some of the tension is still in his muscles, doesn't think it'll ever fade—not for a long, long time, anyway—and Michael reaches out with his senses, grabbing for a distant location, Adam's soul tucked close, and flies.

-

> If every breath is sacred  
> God, I want to breathe  
> Deep enough to feel something  
> Deep enough to believe 

**Author's Note:**

> I gave the ep a second rewatch and I'm still mad about Michael 8D
> 
> If I die on any hill it's Michael did what he did for Adam's sake and it backfired.


End file.
